This Joy of Burden

I have been really struggling with this past week with my emotions and feeling overwhelmed throughout the day with this overpowering love for my children. I am not articulate or that clever in my communication so forgive me if my thoughts are random and/or scattered, but I do want to try to put in words this feeling.
 I will start by saying I do not want my children to be an idol. I want to be aware of that when processing this burden I have felt (more strong in the past week than ever). I have been so worried this week, that something would happen to my children before I would hear them accept Christ as their personal Savior, or that they would never choose to do this. I feel this overwhelming burden to speak the Gospel (the good news) to my children every day, all throughout the day, that they will understand and know truth always. Being pregnant, I know, makes this more emotional for me (hormones), though I have felt like this since the day we found out we were expecting Evelyn (maybe even sooner).
So this week, Pastor Brian preached a sermon on being intentional, and guess who it was addressed to... parents.... huh... God has heard me all week:).
Brian literally started preaching about the responsibility we have as parents to be intentionally talking to our children about the Gospel, witnessing to and shepherding our children. I have felt conflicted about my feelings all week, feeling like I may be idolizing my children, putting them before God because I love them too much, feeling like worrying may be sinning because worrying is not trusting. God reminded me in His word though.

Philippians 4:6-7

New Living Translation (NLT)

⁶ Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. ⁷ Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

It is human to worry, but pray and ask God for the desires of my heart (this particular time being the eternal salvation of my children) Pastor Brian highlighted 3 points in being intentional with our children about the Gospel in his sermon: 1. Know the Gospel.. 2. Model it. 3. Share it.
I am racking my brain, know it, live it, share it, I mess this up all the time. Am I living a life that reflects an eternal perspective? What really matters, and am I showing that to my children? Does the brand my clothes are, the size of my house, the way it is decorated, how many people like me matter? Not really, or at least it shouldn't.

Jeremiah 15:16

New Living Translation (NLT)

¹⁶ When I discovered your words, I devoured them.
    They are my joy and my heart’s delight,
for I bear your name,    O Lord God of Heaven’s Armies.

Psalm 27:4

New Living Translation (NLT)

⁴ The one thing I ask of the Lord—
    the thing I seek most—
is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
    delighting in the Lord’s perfections
    and meditating in his Temple.

 I have struggled with insecurity as a stay at home mom, feeling sometimes like others look down on my position, belittle it, doesn't understand how much work goes into this EXTREMELY important job. I know that we may not have two incomes, so we don't have the nicest things, or the most extravagant vacations, but I go to sleep at night knowing what my children hear, what they have been taught, and who they are as little people, and to me, that is more rewarding, more profitable, more important, than any of the things more money would ever get us. I have no doubt that I mess up every single day, to live in a fallen world. But....

Proverbs 22:6  Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

God is bigger and I trust Him. I know whatever my shortcomings, He can continue to do a work in me and in my children. Thank God for using Brian to encourage me that I am doing what is right and that there is joy in shepherding my children.

Anyway, I thought this week, what if I felt this "overwhelming" burden/urgency to lead all of my unbelieving friends to Christ the way I do for my kids? Why don't I? I feel it towards certain friends, stronger at times than others. I pray for them, I speak truth to them. But I don't cry and grieve over the thought of them not accepting Christ. I have been praying for this burden. I want to feel so strongly that I do not stop thinking about those that do not know their Savior. I want my believing friends to feel this burden, to not be afraid to speak out boldly and with urgency. I don't know who all is reading the blog, several moms I know have mentioned they have read it, but whoever is, please pray with me this week. I really do not want to feel crippled by this burden but empowered. I want to feel confident I am sharing the good news and remember always my purpose here on Earth, without letting Satan send my emotions into a frantic panic attack every day. Praise God for His body of believers. It feels good to know that I have a big church family, all over who know this same truth.